The Time of Death can be mystifying and troubling to a young person. Families First help children understand the processes of dying, death and bereavement and how it affects their lives. Our children's program offers interactive discussions of what happens when a person dies, what the children will see, and examination of the caskets help children deal with the situation in an honest and caring setting before seeing their grandparent or other loved one. We encourage children to be part of the funeral by putting pictures, letters or other meaningful items in the casket. Young people may also act as honourary pallbearers during the service.
Should The Children Know?
Learning to accept death is a natural experience in life which must not be ignored. Talking about death is necessary. It is a vital part of every child's development.
How Should I Explain Death?
Death is a subject most of us do not like to talk about but eventually we all have to face it. We, at Radney Funeral Homes would like to help prepare your family before the need arises. We have designed a program to meet the needs of your family, in respect to the ages of your children, your faith issues and cultural beliefs.
When & How Do We Participate?
Individual appointments will be made for your family or group at a time that is mutually convenient to your family and ours. The program is best conducted at Radney Funeral Homes as this gives the children more of a hands on approach to learning. The intention of the program is to give a better understanding, and remove the mystery around what happens when a person dies. Depending on the ages of your children, and the size of your family or group, we would like you to allow us 60 minutes for discussion, tour, and questions.
What age should attend?
If the child is old enough to walk let him/her walk with you into the funeral home, if not carry them in with you.
Caring for a Surviving Child | More Information
As in all situations, honesty is the best way to deal with children. Talk to the child in a language that they can understand. Remember to listen to the child and try to understand what the child is saying and just as importantly, what they are not saying. Children need to feel that the death is an open subject and that they can express their thoughts or questions as they arise. Below are just a few ways adults can help children face the death of someone close to them.
How to Help a Child Deal with Loss | More Information
a) As soon as possible after the death, set time aside to
talk to the child.
b) Give the child the facts in a simple manner "be careful not to go into too much detail. The child will ask more questions as they come up in their mind.
c) If you can't answer his/her questions, it's OK to say, "I don't know how to answer that, but perhaps we can find someone to help us".
d) Use the correct language - say the words "dead" and "die". Do not use phrases such as, "He's sleeping..." or "God took her..." or "He went away..."
e) Ask questions like, "What are you feeling?" "What have you heard from your friends?" "What do you think has happened?" etc.
f) Explain your feelings to your children, especially if you are crying. Give them permission to cry too. We are their role models: it is good for children to see our sadness and to share our feelings with them.
Where do children fit in?
Many parents never stop to think about what they will do with the children when a loved one dies. Probably most wonder who they will get to baby-sit the children while they attend the funeral. Excluding children from the funeral will delay their grieving and hinder their ability to deal with death and loss later in life. Here are some practical ideas that have worked well.
1. Give children the opportunity to draw a picture of a happy memory they have of the person who has died. This picture can be placed in the casket or with the urn.
2. Have a child write a letter to the person who has died. This gives the child the opportunity to say, "I love you" one more time and to say goodbye. Put the letter in the casket or with the urn.
3. A child can either pick flowers from the garden at home or buy flowers and place them either in or on the casket or by the urn.
4. Older children can act as honorary pallbearers or can read a selection at the funeral. They could also act as ushers at the funeral.
5. You will find it very helpful to spend time explaining to the children what a funeral is about and what will happen. Taking them to the funeral home for the visitation or wake is helpful in making them feel comfortable in those surroundings. The day of the funeral will be much easier for them if this happens.
